I am all-powerful. All humans do my bidding. For I am Frenchie, Queen and Dictator of the Humans.
I lay proudly upon my pillowy perch, seated upon the highest point of the couch cushion. All that exists, belongs to I. I enjoy the quiet and the solitude… Before the door slams open and the peace is broken. A flock of pre-teen girls swarm into the room. Ah, the youngest human must have invited her underlings over once again. I can tell that they’re her underlings because of how they do everything she asks of them without question (excluding the occasional defiant whine). I hear the older humans refer to her as “Ava,” a weird and unusual name. I cannot understand why the humans decide to call each other such names. Where can you go wrong with simple yet exquisite names like “Spot” and “Pie?”
Upon the sight of me, the girls swarm around me. “Aw, he’s so cute~!” The multiple, high-pitched and squeaky voices annoy me tremendously. I roll my tiny, black, beady eyes. What an idiotic mistake. I am female, not a he. And I am most definitely, not cute.
I growl at them, ordering them to leave me alone. At first, they’re hesitant to leave beautiful me alone, but after a few snaps of my jaw, they leave. Leaving me be to my preferred solitude.
Several hours later, the older female human arrives home. She seems to know of my plots to murder her and her family, and she quite enjoys taunting me with delicious food from the human realm. Upon seeing me, she breaks out into a smile. She must’ve finally bowed down to my control. Either that, or she had a good day. She skipped her way into the food room, and I hear her open the cold box. I hear the crinkle of plastic, and my ears perk up at the sound. Could it be…? Cheese…?
“Frenchie~! Would you like some… Cheeeeeeeeeese~?”
Foolish, pathetic human. I don’t need nor want your praise! … But yes, I would like some cheese.
I hop off my pillowy perch and stretch, before heading into the kitchen. The tall, lanky human awes and giggles before me, taking out a slice of that golden, heavenly delicacy: cheese. I growl at them, ordering them to place it down before me. But they simply giggle and fawn over me, before finally placing the delectable square on the floor.
As I gobble down my meal, the pathetic human attempts to pet my perfect, curly, black fur. But I growl and snap viciously at their outstretched fingertips. “Begone!” I growl, ordering them to leave me be. Instead of cowering in fear like the little ones do, she giggles once more. “Aw, you’re such a grumpy butt~!” She utters cheerfully, before heading off to do something. Likely my bidding.
A couple of hours later, the oldest male human arrives, opening the door and calling for his children. I bark at him, he’s the most annoying of them all. Once he lays his eyes upon me, he laughs and starts to imitate me! The nerve! In retaliation, I growl and bark at him more. But it doesn’t seem to faze him, as he continues to laugh and mimic me. This insufferable human!
Later on, the eldest female human arrives home. I have a soft spot for this human. She is the sweetest of them all, and the most beautiful. I love her to death. She is my favorite slave. Upon entering the lazy room, she completely ignores her children and heads straight towards me, fawning over me with a passion as I wag my tail in approval. Yes, yes, I will spare this human, while I kill the rest!
Ah, the life of a canine is a wondrous thing… Too bad the humans don’t seem to realize our power over them.
Libraime Lifestyle 